Who's getting cheated?

I have pretty much the same routine every day. One thing I do nearly every day, without a hitch, is growing in my relationship with Jesus. I accomplish this through reading, journaling and engaging in 'life conversations' at Panera Bread early each weekday morning. However, something struck me about my attitude as I was driving to Panera Bread this morning which led me to writing this post.

I think it was the road rage I was suffering from as I was driving to Panera this morning that caused me to stop and examine my disposition today. This, accompanied by my checklist, my daily to-do’s, seem to be causing me more stress than they should and I don’t know why I’m letting them do that.

My list of what it takes to just 'get out of the house' in the morning seems to be ever increasing. I find myself waking up before my alarm battling with decisions that I need to make before I even roll out of bed.

Do I go work out when I get up or after work? I wrestle with the pros and cons of that nearly every morning. What about breakfast? How will that be affected by my choice in work out time? Then there is getting my lunch packed and not forgetting it. And what about all of the paraphernalia that I drag along with me every day. The papers, the reminders, and the bag they all get put into.

Then there is the actual getting ready for work. The showering, all the teeth maintenance, and the hair goop. Then you have the whitening gargle followed by brushing and flossing. I have to lotion my legs and feet or they get dry as the desert. Getting everything to the car is a challenge in itself. And don't forget the contacts. Of course they never cooperate, always folding up or not going in my eye right the first time.

Toss in the dog. He's old and he's blind (and looney I might add). Sometimes he stays asleep upstairs when I get out of the shower and other days he's up. When he's up he wants to come down with me. I usually do my crunches, have some coffee and watch the news. The dog will sit by my chair and just stair into the kitchen, never budging. But let me decide to have my breakfast and sit down to eat it and he has a crisis and needs to go outside right then and there. However, he just can't go out and get his business done. No he has to pace up back forth about twenty times to find just the right place to go. Once he's done, remember I said he was old and blind, he can't find his way back to the door. In the meanwhile, my cereal has now turned into 'sog city'. Not a pretty picture.

Then the gym bag, my laptop, the bag with all the papers, and my lunch all have to find their way to the car. And the fact that its winter, doesn’t make the situation any more pleasant. Not only do I have bag after bag strapped over my shoulder and in my hand, I look like the Michelin Man in my poofy down filled coat. And try to maneuver between the two cars in our garage with all these bags is not an easy task. Oh yeah, don’ t let me forget the cup of coffee I’m juggling in on hand and the car keys in the other. Everything in one trip equates efficiency. By the time I finally sit down in my car to leave I’m exhausted.

Inevitably, I get ½ way down the road and realize that I’ve forgotten something. Just last week I had gone as far as the stop light at Bittersweet and 23 (about a mile from our house) and thought I’d forgotten my lunch. I whipped the car around and fumbled for my cell phone (that’s buried far beneath my seat belt and layers of the Michelin Man coat) to call Lori to see if it was still in the fridge. She said that she saw me carry it out with me. It was then that I realized that I had dropped in the trunk when I put my gym bag and my laptop in there. So I whipped the car around and started back towards Panera.

Is my routine so pathetic or what! The more I have to do the more I get stressed. And throw any unforseen obstacle in my path, such as the driver 3 cars in front of me today that wouldn't go faster than 35mph, and the stress-ometer often often goes up a few more notches. I race to get to my destination so that I can spend time with God, but there are days when I find that the attitude that has evolved in me on the way there could be putting up a wall that is lessening the intensity with which I want to have with Him.

I don't want my God time to just be a slot in my day just so I can check it off. More often than not, my time with Jesus is so awesome. But when I find myself with an attitude such as the one that had developed in me today because of all of the things that I do to try to meet all of the thngs I think I need to do, I have lessened the experience on my side of things.

Routine is my nature but it doesn't have to be accompanied by self inducing tension. I need to remind myself that God is with me 24/7 and not just for the 40 minutes that I spend with Him at Panera. Don't get me wrong. I've had some incredible experiences with God in those 40 minutes and have no intentions of eliminating that from my regimine. If I could only remember that I can talk to God anytime. And although our standing appointment is awesome, I shouldn’t be getting uptight just to make it on time. Optimal time with God isn't about checking it off on my list of things to do, its about the quality.