Short week Friday

Day 2 of the dog waking me up hour(s) before I actually get up. Yesterday it was 2:30am, today it was 3:30am. Unfortunately when I get woke up I usually can't go back to sleep! Even though I usually get up at 4am, losing even 30 minutes of sleep is crucial.

A culmination of things including this lack of sleep has begun to take its toll on me. Ever feel like the walls are closing in and what lies ahead to get done just seems unconquerable. Then, when the weather changes, and what can't be checked off on your 'to do' list only adds flame to the fire.

It was my intention to mow the lawn last night. I think the growth has finally slowed to only needing to be mowed every 3rd day now. I mowed Sunday afternoon and knew that Thursday would be the first free evening that I had to tackle that chore again. But remnants of Gustav took care of the plan and the 'field of green' continued to grow.

I got up this morning with the lawn still on my mind and I went into the laundry room to put some water in the dogs dish (you know the dog that got me up at 3:30!) and forgot that laundry had been done the night before. There before me was, what appeared to be at 4am anyway, a never-ending rack of my clean laundry waiting to be ironed.

Someone turned the crank and the walls inched in even closer.

I left for the my work out at 5am with the lawn, the laundry, and all the things that needed to be accomplished today on my mind. Yes, I was having a party, a Bob party of one, cuz it was a pity party.

I got to the gym, climbed on the ellipical and powered on my IPOD. God seems to speak to me a lot when I'm working out. He tapped me on the shoulder today and whispered in my ear, "I'm here, you wanna talk?"

This song came on my IPOD and the words began to sink deep into my heart.

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

It hit me how self consumed I'd become. I'd let what were minor incoveniences or just simply routine chores become ginormous obstacles in my day. The song reminded me that God knows my every need. He knows what lies before me. It appeared that I'd disconnected and was in survival mode on my own. What if I just said to God "I don't know how all of this is going to get done, work, chores,....life. But You do." What if, when I make my checklist, I collaberate with God and ask for help....I think the difference in outcomes will be huge...ginormous even!

The next song that came on had this chorus.

(chorus)
Everyday it's You I live for
Everyday I'll follow after You
Everyday I'll walk with You my Lord

It made my kind of sad at first. I realized how easily I get caught up in what I perceived to be huge issues in my day and fell prey to thinking that I have to accomplish them on my own. How will I ever get everything on today's list checked off. Then the feeling of being overwhelmed moves in and pity party and shutdown are lurking around the corner. It made me sad because I didn't feel like I was living for God. I was living for myself because of myself -ishness.

But the more I thought about the chorus hope I began to find hope. When I realize that I'm trying to accomplish everything on a neverending check list on my own is only going to lead to frustration. But if I reach out and seek help from God I can live for Him, and follow after Him, and walk with Him. Why? Because I've put my dependance back where it belongs, on Him.

God time on the elliptical is so awesome! This is going to be a good day!